Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I have a pirate flag
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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