i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love you. Go after that dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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