Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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