you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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