Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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