that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize