come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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