You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
