so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
