I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
