There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
