dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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