My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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