I cannot find my penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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