Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
