she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
