i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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