Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
