i always forget guys have bellybuttons
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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