How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize