I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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