he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
