I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize