This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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