his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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