why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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