Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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