He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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