Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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