Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
