Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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