There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
