i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
