i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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