the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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