You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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