it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
