Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
