Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
