True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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