You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
