The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
