just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
