Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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