ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
