shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
