coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
