I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
