Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
