im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
