you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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