he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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