Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
