I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is my gift to your gina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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