remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
