I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
