You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize