And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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