I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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