dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wear drunk well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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