You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
