a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
