I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My ass is underappreciated
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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