I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
