if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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