Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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