Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
