Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
