and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
