This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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