He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
