I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
