fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
