Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
