I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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