i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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