dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's blow job season.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
